Get into Craft Beer: Untappd Potential
It all started with Pokemon cards. They told us we needed to catch them all, and by gum we tried. The concept of collecting things speaks to our caveperson roots (I spoke to a certified historian to confirm this is the case) and just like leaves, twigs and rocks in 50000BC, or Pokemon cards in 1999, there will always be something to gather. Craft beer taps into this primal urge, with new brews, seasonal treasures and “hype beers” aplenty, yet unlike the aforementioned collectors items there is nothing physical to actually collate – ‘cos this time, we drank it all.
Enter Untappd.
A quick glance at my craft beer story will give you the one liner here – Untappd was the missing link between my beer passion and my ability to understand craft beer on a biblical level. It is a tool that will elevate your drinking experience, even if it generates mirth among friends who settle for a Carlsberg. Well, mirth is a good thing, so it’s win-win. Untappd can also be problematic.
Here is my five step guide on how best to use Untappd to maximise your craft beer journey.
Step 1: Setting up
This is by miles the easiest part of the whole thing. Download the app, it’s free, and make yourself a hilarious username. Mine is Joey29 because I’m the 29th Joey in my Yemenite family line.
Step 2: Rate a beer
This is by miles the second easiest part of the whole thing. Drink a beer. Savour it, and think to yourself: “Hmmm, if I were to give this a rating out of 5, what would I give it?”
Go on Untappd, search for the beer, it will be there, then rate it out of 5. You’ll also see what everyone else rated it. This is going great, right? Read on…
Step 3: Question your decision
For the Millenials among us, this is something we do most of the day. Wait, everyone else rated it differently? Is there something wrong with my taste buds? In this case, let’s revert to the root question. Why do we rate a beer? Two reasons:
1. So that if we come across it again, we can quickly bring up a log of whether we enjoyed it or not. Beer ain’t cheap – just because something is an exotic triple dry hopped cream bubblegum lager doesn’t mean it was good, and if we see it again three years later and can’t remember if it was the one we enjoyed or the one we hated, we can whip out our rating (probably 1/5 in this case) and ensure we don’t drop £8 on another 1/3 pint of this travesty.
2. So we can recommend beers to friends with accuracy and conviction. “Woah, you should totally try the new single hop water stout, I gave it a 4.5 out of 5. You probably won’t like it though.”
Step 4: Become obsessed with the ratingsOoh, a beer in a bottle that simply looks nice! I’ll take it.
No – that’s the old you, when you used to put e’s in words. Untappd won’t allow pretty looks and charisma to woo your heart. Untappd works on the ultimate rule of love: it’s what’s inside that counts.
Every pub you go to, every bottle shop, even a house party – you will quickly scan Untappd to see the average rating of any new beer you intend to drink, and anything below your threshold is a no-go. Many people won’t drink anything with an average rating under 3.5, and conversely will physically fight someone to get a taste of a beer rated over 4.5.
Remember: Your threshold is yours to figure out – but be wary that everyone rates in a different way.
Some people rate beer only in comparison to other beer of the same style.
Some people rate beer based simply on how much they enjoyed it in that moment.
Some people rate beer with either a 0 or a 5, denoting “never have again” or “would have again”.
Some people want it all, but I don’t want nothing at all, if it ain’t you baby, if I ain’t got you baby.
This is where the whole system falls down, so here comes the final step (and your salvation): The Joey29 Untappd Decode.
Step 5: Learn The Joey29 Untappd Decode.
Over the years, I have noticed that Untappd ratings can sometimes be unreliable and there are three trends which cause this. What I’m trying to say is that I’ve done the hard drinking work so you don’t have to – you’re welcome.
Alcohol Volume
Starting with the biggest factor. We drink beer for flavour, fun and friends, not to get shitfaced, right? Well, sometimes. But regardless of your motivations, it is a truth universally acknowledged that just because a beer is high in alcohol, it doesn’t make it better (Jane Austen, 1813). Many patrons of Untappd disagree with Ms Austen’s decree, however, so you will notice that beers with higher alcohol percentages often have disproportionately high ratings, regardless of taste. After six years on the sauce, here is my rule:
Using 6% ABV (alcohol content) as a baseline, for every 1% the beer differs from that, adjust the global rating by 0.1 in the other direction.
So for example, a 9% beer with a 4.2 rating is really probably about a 3.9 compared to actual taste buds who aren’t only drinking to get smashed. Conversely, you can assume a 4% beer with a 3.6 rating is underrated and is more akin to a 3.8 (although not always, of course).
Hype beers/breweries
Think shiny Charizard, extra heavy Pog, that Yo-Yo that looked like it could do extra tricks but really just lit up when you spun it – there will always be hype items in any collector scene. Hype beers are real and their ratings are always through the roof because they are the shiny Charizard of beers (the metaphor will never get old because it is the exact same people who wanted one of these at 10 years old that are seeking out the hype beers).
They will usually be a) pretty tasty, b) pretty expensive and c) have ridiculously elevated ratings on Untappd. They are often only released once a year, or otherwise hard to get hold of. Famous examples include Russian River’s Pliny The Younger (California), Verdant’s Putty (UK) and Westvleteren 12 (Belgium). There are plenty more – the clue is usually that all the ratings come in a small period of time, then disappear for a bit. By all means drink these beers, they are good, but don’t get hung up on them like you did the shiny Charizard.
People being wasted
The final factor shouldn’t come as a surprise. When people have had 8 beers, the next one always tastes great. You can usually figure out if this is the case from the wording – as below.
Congratulations – you have completed the tutorial! You are now ready to go out into the world of beer where you can find beer, catch beer, then drink beer, just like you used to do with Pokemon. Who wouldn’t want an IPAkachu, right?
