Get into Craft Beer: Styles and What They Really Mean

Telling it like it is to confused friends since 2014.

There are some people in the world who are more knowledgeable than I when it comes to the nuances of beer styles and what the words really mean. But y’know what, I brew beer, I drink beer, I read and write and do events about beer, so I’m no Sober Sally over here. I am lucky enough to have many friends who tolerate my company just about enough to go to craft beer bars with me and pretend to enjoy themselves, despite feeling like a third-wheel while I engage in a lengthy conversation with the burly bearded bartender about hop oils.

What I learnt during these experiences was how to frame the seemingly infinite beer style dictionary to someone who enjoys a simple tipple but thinks the word mouthfeel sounds unnecessarily suggestive. Thus, seven years in the making, I bring to you:

Beer Styles And What They Really Mean For Anyone Who Just Wants To Order Craft Beer Without It Being Unnecessarily Stressful.

This one is dedicated to all the friends who didn’t leave the bar.

Lager
You know Heineken or Carlsberg? Ok, so like that. Hopefully nicer.

Pilsner
You know Heineken or Carlsberg? Ok, like that, but officially only made in the Czech Republic, and supposedly better so realistically you’re going to say “mmm this tastes like a better version of Heineken or Carlsberg”.

Helles
You know Heineken or Carlsberg? Ok, like that, but with another edgy sounding new name that technically has some different vibes but you will probably think it tastes like the above.

Pale Ale
Very literally a pale yellowish coloured beer that is slightly more bitter and probably (hopefully) more fruity than a lager, while being the same level of alcoholic (around 4-5%) so you can have about 4 pints of it before needing to slow down. You’re going to enjoy it and say “yknow what, maybe I don’t hate beer after all!”.

IPA
India Pale Ale, lots of hops, you don’t know what that means really but in your mouth it will be bitter and fruity like the pale ale but just a bit more of everything. My mum calls them “bitter bombs”. The origins of the acronym are complicated, read more about it here.

Double IPA
The same as an IPA but with double everything, especially alcohol. Sometimes called a “Dippah” because the acronym is DIPA. Will probably come in a smaller glass so be warned.

New England IPA (NEIPA)
Often lazily pronounced “Neepah”, this is usually an opaque yellow beer and it is meant to be like that, so don’t send it back. Smell it instead. OOHHHH SHIIIT! Good huh? These beers originated in New England, which is like Old England but colder, and more importantly gave birth to this beer style in the mid-00’s. They are characterised by heavy fruit aromas, thick mouthfeel (deal with it) and far less bitterness than the other IPAs above. The good ones are typically at least 6% alcohol, so although sometimes they taste like fruit juice, they are as potent as fruit juice with a large shot of vodka poured in, so easy does it.

West Coast IPA
This alludes to the west coast of the USA rather than of, say, Norway and are typified by a clean crisp bitterness mixed with of a layer of citrus-y fruit flavours and pine aromas. I sound like an advert for a bathroom scenter. For a moment in 2014 these were the most popular beers out there but are no longer as common, although you have probably tasted one of the more famous examples such as Sierra Nevada or Lagunitas.

Session IPA
Not a real beer style. This literally just means an IPA that can be consumed in a session of several other beers, so one that is less alcoholic but ideally no less flavourful.

Kölsch
Nobody truly knows what a Kölsch is when it’s not from its birthplace of Köln, Germany. Sometimes it tastes like a lager with a few extra hops (more fruity), sometimes it tastes like a pale ale that is a bit bland, I tend to enjoy them when having several. Don’t mistake it for a Grolsch.

Stout
So you know Guinness? Like that but maybe with more coffee notes. Or maybe not. Either way it will look like a Guinness and you’ll probably say “mmm this tastes a bit like Guinness!” unless you happen to be drinking a Guinness next to it.

Oatmeal Stout
The above but thicker, like you are eating your oatmeal with Guinness instead of milk (but nicer I promise).

Breakfast Stout
The above but where you feel justified drinking it before midday?

Porter
I will draw ire and wrath from beer nerds purists here but this will taste the same as a Stout to most people, because it is essentially the same style, so don’t get hung up on it.

Amber/Red Ale
This beer is like a pale ale but tastes more like malt. If you don’t know what malt tastes like, then try: this beer is like a pale ale but tastes more red-ish, like you’re in Ireland. Often very refreshing.

Wheat beer
So imagine you’re rolling around carefree through bales of hay in a farmyard on a fresh spring afternoon and just kind of accidentally eat some hay, but suddenly it’s in alcoholic liquid form and you think “mmmm this is refreshing and tasty, it kind of tastes like hay but in a good way, now I see why cows like it so much, and you know what might make this even better? A small bit of a banana I just found”. This is the best description I have for someone who has never tried a wheat beer before. For those who want a more straightforward comparison, it’s a Blue Moon.

Witbier
The same as the above but in German.

Hefeweizen
The same as the above but in even more German.

For an actual comparison of the three, check out this pretty accessible assessment from Allagash, the sorority summer beer of choice circa 2010.

Saison
Same vibe as the aforementioned “hay experience” but with a bit more raw hay with maybe some white wine and spices thrown in. Don’t order this straight off – start with a wheat beer and if you think “mmm I like this but I wish I could dip a nice handful of spiced hay in this” then order a Saison.

Gose
“IS THIS EVEN BEER?” said the person who “doesn’t like beer”. A Gose is the closest you’ll get to a Margarita cocktail in the beer world and will stun those who think beer = Budweiser. A slightly mouth puckering number with some unexpected coriander, maybe some salt and be wary if there is a fruit prefix in front of the word, as it will dominate. Jury still out as to whether it is pronounced “Goes” or “Goes-Eh”, like the GIF debate but for beer.

Sour
We are quite far down the list and we finally come across a beer whose name is the literal description of the style. That’s it. It is sour, alcoholic liquid.

Lambic
Treat this like a Sour, but from Belgium, which usually implies three things: 1) it will be better, 2) it could be seriously fruity, and 3) it will be far, far more alcoholic.

Belgian Ale/Blonde/Dubbel/Tripel/Quadrupel
On the Belgian theme, it might seem odd that a country as miniscule as Belgium gets its own ale style, but you are probably aware that Belgium randomly has the best beer in the world because something about monks in the 1600s, I dunno read a history book. The beer in Belgium is sumptuous, flavourful and extraordinarily alcoholic and hard to really compare to anything else. You can assume that the larger the multiplier, the higher the alcohol percentage. Quadrupel’s tend to rank at 12%. One thing’s for sure – those Monks sure knew how to party.

Festbier/Vienna Lager/Marzen/Bock/Doppelbock/Dunkel/Schwarzbier
This is where any beer expert who has somehow got this far down the page will smash their screen in rage and pledge to find me and kill me like Liam Neeson if his daughter was a 1L Oktoberfest tankard of finest German brew.

These are different beer styles. They all have different ABVs, taste profiles and ingredient compositions. I’ve put them in the order above from lightest to darkest. For someone going into a craft beer bar for the first or honestly even the 50th time, the chances are they are all going to taste broadly of the same genre, not least because most craft beer bars won’t have them for the majority of the year, or ever. These beers taste like “Oktoberfest”, and if you haven’t been, they taste just like what you imagine it to taste like. Malty, hearty, warming, alcoholic enough to feel it but not enough that you can’t put away 4 giant litre-size tankards of them and still be standing. A delicious set of styles best enjoyed chanting along to an Oompah band in Bavaria.

Smoked beer or Rauchbier
Tastes like liquid bacon. Bizarrely more-ish.

Radler
Don’t be fooled by the cool German name – this is a Shandy. Let’s go to our good friends at Wikipedia to elaborate:
Shandy is beer mixed with a lemon or a lemon-lime flavoured beverage. The citrus beverage, often called lemonade, may or may not be carbonated.
Bonus points and a free pint on me if you can pronounce its Dutch equivalent: Sneeuwwitje.

Bitter
Cast your mind back to the IPA back at the top. We’ve come a long way, haven’t we! A Bitter is like an IPA but without the fruit or carbonation part. The classic tipple of choice for many an “elder” propping up the bar in a pub with carpets, and mostly from the cask (those big lever things). Note that anything from the cask is a) less cold than you expect, b) less carbonated than you expect, and c) if you insult it out loud in a traditional pub you will be impaled with the big lever thing.

Anything with the word “Imperial” in it
Be extremely careful. Mostly affixed to Stouts, these usually clock in with at least 10% alcohol although their propensity to come in thimble-sized glasses should save you.

Anything with the word milk in it
No milk was harmed in the making of this beer. Most of the time, this refers to the use of lactose or the consistency of the beer being compared to the thickness of a milkshake. Not always as ridiculously disgusting as it sounds.

Grisette
Nobody knows what this actually is, so try it if you’re feeling adventurous.

Table Beer
Essentially the tap water of beer. Order something else.